Radical Self-Care

The kiss of death in blogging: not posting regularly. To post or not to post, that is the question. This post idea had been rumbling around my brain for a week. But how could I post about self-care when so many in Haiti (as elsewhere) are struggling just to survive? To say the least, it seemed frivolous.

But, just as when you fly, the flight attendant states that if the oxygen masks drop down you should put yours on before helping another, that's what self-care is in our everyday lives. If we take care of ourselves, we have the energy (and compassion) to help others. There's a ripple effect with self-care - when you take care of yourself you feel better and can take better care of those around you, they in turn feel better and take better care of those they're around. On and on it goes.

If you need to, think of the opposite, when you're stretched and stressed, it's hard to summon the energy to take care of anyone else either and you're probably also going to be more short-tempered and less loving and you spread that ill-humor wherever you go. Whoever you meet risks being infected with your toxic mood and on and on that goes.

Many (including me) believe that the world's problems will never be solved until each of us make our own peace and that peace will ripple out to the people we come in contact with, ultimately helping us all.

Why is self-care radical? Because our culture makes it so difficult to do. We're outwardly focused - aside from small bits of time spent for ourselves, we're seen as selfish, really, if we put ourselves first. We believe in "doing" - self-care often means just "being". I've noticed an almost one-upmanship among people I know - we all want to be percieved as the busiest person around. Busy enough to not have time to nurture ourselves. We pride ourselves on being too busy to attend to anything beyond the basics of self-care. We also have many experts telling us how to do self-care (everything from beer commercials to women's magazines to name just two) that may or may not work for us. Most of us live on metaphorical treadmills and have no idea how to get off them.

It seems quite paradoxical, but I'm proposing that if you take the time to find what really makes you feel good and spend some time every day doing it, you'll have more energy for all the other things in your life and more love for all the other people in your life, too (whether you've actually met them, or they're someplace far away from you - like in Haiti).

So, what's self-care and why is it radical? Self-care is what nourishes you and you have to find those things that really work for you. I love being home, staying in my pajamas, knowing I don't have to start the car. That kind of day sends my husband up the wall. I feel totally refreshed after staring at a blank wall. He thrives on early morning walks with the dog and jumps at the chance to go for a drive - anywhere! He loves massages. Thinking about them makes me cringe. We're all different. Look for things that nurture you regardless of what anyone else enjoys.

However (isn't there always a however?), be open to examining if what you think is nurturing really is. We all get stuck in patterns. They may work, they may work for a time, they may just be a habit we never really thought through and maybe they never worked at all. Television watching (or surfing the web) may be like that: you think you're relaxing, but you're really just in a holding pattern. Ditto eating your way to the bottom of the Ben & Jerry's container: you may think you're giving yourself a treat by indulging in your favorite ice cream, but the logy feeling you get from it may not really be worth the momentary enjoyment of the taste. This was a biggie for me - it took me years to wise up to the fact that since every time I ate sugar after dinner I didn't sleep well at night, I really wasn't treating myself well (and therefore doing self-care) by eating desert.

Which leads me to this point, sometimes self-care is counter-intuitive. Not eating sugary foods is self-care for me because I feel better all day and sleep better all night when I enjoy them. So, although I grew up with the idea that eating sweets is a way to treat myself, I now remind myself of the fallout and know it isn't. Likewise, getting things done and checking off items on my to-do list makes me feel productive, but the time I spend each morning sitting in meditation actually gives me the focus and energy to get through more work the rest of the day.

Do you practice self-care? What works for you? What are the obstacles that keep you from nourishing yourself. Please share! Let your ideas add to the ripple effect.